My Painting: An Improbable Atlas

An Improbable Atlas

Gardening With Severed Limbs

This is very strange. For several days now there has been a hand outside the bedroom window resting on the sill. I first noticed it when I came home early from work last week. Unfortunately, I cannot see if there is an arm attached because of the climber on the wall. One good thing though, it has reminded me to cut the Virginia Creeper back.

I Must Stop Watching Films On Vampires!

I have something odd to report: It only happens at night – at least so far – but while laying in bed trying to undo the rope the girlfriend habitually puts round my neck (I’m sure why come to think about it) I start to float. It was only a few inches at first but now I slowly rise up until I nestle against the ceiling. The girlfriend says I should go and see the doctor but I don’t like to bother him.

On Having A Broken Ankle As A Pastime

Back in hospital again! Looking on the positive side I plan to decorate my new crutches with pictures, along the lines of Trajan’s Column – making sure to leave a space at the bottom as my girlfriend wants to kick them from under me when she gets annoyed. I try to support her hobbies and interests.

Hanging Around Waiting For A Fall

Boring day! I had to bury the washing machine in the morning and then I spent the entire afternoon hanging from the first floor bedroom windowsill. I was cleaning the glass when our neighbour borrowed the ladder – this did strike me at the time as a bit inconsiderate. Luckily my girlfriend came home and got me down by hitting my fingers with a lump hammer.

My Painting: Provisional Portrait Of Anne Boleyn

Provisional Portrait Of Anne Boleyn

Multiple Breakdowns!

More expense! Last week the girlfriend put her foot through the television screen while practising her line dancing and this week the washing machine breaks. I am vigorously denying any suggestions that I was the cause even though I was using it at the time to mix concrete for the crazy paving.

An Example Of How Strange Things Can Get Stranger

Things are getting stranger! I have now seen pairs of peering eyes behind the settee, under our wardrobe and through the crack in the wall I made when doing my Samson impression. I think it must be some of my girlfriend’s family although she hasn’t mentioned they were staying.

Musing On Life In A Six Foot Deep Hole!

This is strange: while waiting in a very deep hole in the back garden for the girlfriend to hand down a ladder – she said she had to finish the hoovering first – I saw some eyes peering out from under the shed. After a while I noticed several more.

When she had finally arrived four or five hours later, she always does a thorough job of the hoovering – I had counted thirty one! I am not sure why there was an odd number.

My Painting: Sermon On The Mount Two

Sermon On The Mount Two